I’m FUCking Ben Affleck
Jimmy Kimmel: Oh, Hi Sarah. It’s been a long time. I guess you’ve been…busy with…Matt Damon. I’ve been busy too. I’ve been thinking about us, and you and him and, I’m happy for you. I really am. He’s a great guy. I mean he’s the sexiest man alive. I found somebodye pretty sexy too. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but…I’m ******* Ben Affleck!
Ben Affleck: He’s ******* Ben Affleck.
Jimmy Kimmel: While you and Matt are swappin’ spit. I said I’m ******* Ben Affleck!
Ben Affleck: He said he’s ******* Ben Affleck. Hey Sarah, he’s got bigger ****.
Jimmy Kimmel: They’re not hairy though, right?
Ben Affleck: No…
Brad Pitt: Excuse me…Is someone here…******* Ben Affleck?
Jimmy Kimmel: I am! I’m ******* him!
Brad Pitt: Great, sign here.
Jimmy Kimmel: Thank you. [Reads cake] Congratulations on ******* Ben Affleck.
Crowd & Ben: Ahhhh….
Brad Pitt: What did you wish for?
Jimmy Kimmel & Ben Affleck: When we’re together there’s this feeling inside.
It’s like a million butterflies flutterin’ in my behind.
I love the dimples in your chin, I see diamonds in your eyes.
When I’m ******* you Ben Affleck I feel like I can fly.
And our ******* won’t be stopped no matter how hard they try.
Ben Affleck: They can’t stop it.
Jimmy Kimmel: They can’t stop it.
Joan Jett: You won’t tear them apart. You can’t stop this love affair, cause they love f-u-c-k-i-n-g.
Robin Williams: This is not a man crush. He’s ******* our friend Ben.
Don Cheadle: And so we all…we all hope Matt will understand…
Everyone: He’s ******* Ben
Pete Wentz & Dominic Monaghan: ******* Ben Affleck
Perry Farrell: Yeah, Jimmy’s the one who’s ******* Ben Affleck like they’re in prison.
Everyone: Just like prison.
Macy Gray: He’s ******* Ben…Ben Affleck’s his guy.
Joel Madden and Benji Madden: Oh, it’s through the ******* night and day…
Lance Bass: Just ask Huey!
Cameron Diaz: Okay, I’ll ask him Huey, did you see them **** at all?
Huey Luis: Yes, I saw them ****.